A lost friend always hurt us. Broken friendship is like a broken glass, pick it up any time , no escaping the cut. I am not going to bring objectivity into this article but cerebration.
How do I enter into a situation where I become incapable of holding onto a friendship?
Irony? Another person is doing it good. She is balancing the friendship with the same person exceptionally ( suspiciously) in a better way.
Another irony? They weren’t even that good friends on the first place.
Pour some more irony ? My friend is not in the same country as me and this other friend. So, we both have no tangibility with this lost friend of mine ( except Facebook)
Question- How did I fail when I was the best friend still carrying a pen stand with our photos on it and the so called close friend was never even on the fond list of my lost friend ?
Reason- She went away to do great things and I had a fallout.
It never itched me, my position in life after school, never gave me a bad burn until I had a break up with my lost friend. It wasn’t anything official. Do you ever feel as if you are getting these reverberations from people, like some kind of vibes and it really bad vibes from really good people ( or supposedly good? ). You are so embarrassed to even mention them because they pretend insecurities and how much you hate when someone get this opportunity to dare say or insinuate that you are “ jealous”. Was I jealous? You might not believe it but I really wasn’t. I was so proud of this friend because she was this kind of character, one look at her and you automatically lose the battle not out of spite but out of love. I was so proud of her that I didn’t realize that things were supposed to change.
Now, I can be called as a fool to not to consider that friendship changes with change of place. You can’t expect things to be the same! Right? I don’t know. I thought since I was the first person to know the news of her going ( she credited me that much) , it never occurred to me- the change. Never did. It didn’t take much time for me to realize the situation.
You see, I couldn’t turn into a fan of her. I always had a place as ‘ friend’ not a ‘ fan’. I couldn’t post and repost and tip toe around her, so that I get one ray of her sunlight.
Friendship is between equals. When you say someone is you’re ‘ friend’, he/ she automatically becomes you’re equal. There is always this understanding, not between two friends but between you and you’re self. So, if I ever go out, do great things, my people will always care for me and be proud of me.
There can never be doubt of such kind. The catch is it is I who is uprooting my friendship with people who loves me. It is I, chasing my ambitions who need to remember my friends when I get caught up in the stuff. Of course, they also have to give me equal input but it is my responsibility also to miss to be missed. Just because I am far, living a life different from and not understandable by my people, how can I choose friends on the basis of ‘ who still messages me even when I don’t reply’. I guess if I ask my lost friend that why her but not me, she would say “ she stuck around”. How can I explain to her, she was okay with whatever you gave her, I wasn’t because I was your ‘ friend’ not a star struck fan. I guess it’s a common problem. People want more fans as the ‘likers’ on the Facebook, not the friends with more childhood memories and heartfelt gifts.