The Right Guy

‘Do you know?’ He said, taking her hands in his, ‘Do you know what it is to love someone and never, never! – be able to give them peace and happiness? Do you know what it means to not feel like you are the Right person for someone?’

The Right guy is never wrong. The Right Guy makes things last. The Right guy makes it all Right! The image of the right man, the tough man and the true man are all rolled into one man in our fantasies as ‘The One’. The need to look for ‘The Right Man’ is as old as our dreams themselves! Since we spend so much of our young life wondering, waiting and evaluating men in the cast of ‘The Right Man, is he?’ , my Muse for this week is : Who is the Right Man and how do we stop lookin’ for one!

For one, the terms ‘Right Men’ and ‘Real Men’ make me so jittery. They make me scared that I am living on an obscure planet where people are merely illusions. There is a mental pressure that only when you happen to meet or pair up with a ‘real’ one that you begin to live any Life at all. Men live in the burden of being the Right one for someone while women fret over landing with one ‘very soon’. I had these three thoughts today in this connection in the fashion of true epiphany.. :

1.       Choosing Mr. Right: Around the world women choose the one to marry also-known-as Mr. Right as the one who they feel Love and attraction for. They want an interesting guy right out of their dreams. This Love is not the Love that has run it’s course. The hard times, the tough times. It’s based on mutual attraction and Love-at-first-Sight. I don’t deem them wrong, just that they need not last. Since passionate romantic love is known to have a shelf life (a little over 6 months), knowing if your guy is marriageable is to have known answers to these questions: Are you friends too? Does your opinion count with him? Does he respect you? Is he stable and forgiving or moody and carrying emotional debris from the past? Take your time and enjoy the ride while you look for these gems.

2.       Good and Bad: Every human that ever exists will upset you some point of time. So maybe you need to give also-known-as Mr. Right the benefit of doubt and forgive him for being human too! It must hurt his head to wear the Prince Charming crown all the time! Believe me, if you judge him, you will surely fall out of Love with him and if you keep letting go you will find any relationship a breeze! 

3.       There is no Right guy, only a guy who you Love: When we wonder if we are with the Right person, we do not see the person as they are or the fact that we feel Love for them. We try to fit them with our ‘rescue me from this world’ fairy tale concept of ‘The One’ who comes riding along on a white horse and totally sweeps us off our feet! The one you Love or the One who Loves you may be full of foibles (as even you are coz err..u r Human?) and may not seem sizzling or exciting after a while ; but if passion has burnt alive for any duration and has left warm ash for a hearth that you can sit by to soothe your days together, you people have found Love.

So Girls, this is my finding of the day. Mr. Right is Mr. Love. The one you love and the one who Loves you back! So take a human, fall in Love and make it Right! And while you are at that, do ponder over the opening lines. Is the man (always) at fault for the lady not feeling at peace? Is happiness an inside job or a relationship’s duty? Sayonara! 

Divya