Thursday, 9 January 2014

If you are single its difficult in India

Being single in India is challenging. It is a crime if you turn 25-26 as you are expected to get married before you touch 25 and become a mother at least by 30. Many elders (read morons) here decide the fertility rate of every woman. They start their requests for kids from day 1 of marriage. Some think delivering a kid is as easy as getting a chips packet from vending machine! I know I am getting drifted away from the topic. I can write a lot on the "being single" scenario in India. But for now I want to narrate an incident from my own life.
I used to have lunch with a group of colleagues in the office pantry some 3 years back. Half of them were married and a quarter of them were engaged and another quarter of them were committed to get married (hopefully to the same person). The conversation started something like below.

Madam X: "Hey today my husband wanted me to make this curry. He loves it." 

Madam Y:  "I and Raj love the coriander soup of Main Land China."

I was already feeling out of place but still was hearing to them faking a pinch of enthusiasm just for courtesy sake.

Madam Z: "Afshan! When are you going to invite us to a lavish dinner which has biryani and haleem."

Me: "Any day. Let’s plan it. We can go out."

X, Y and Z in chorus : "Oh! Not like that. She meant about wedding bells."

I realised I had to understand almost everything they talk in the marriage context as they talk mostly that.

Me: "Oh! Not any sooner."

X: "Then. When? What are your plans? You already have someone? Everyone in your batch is married na."

Even if I felt like kicking myself, I controlled the urge and responded.

Me: "Nope. I have no one. I am searching for the guy you know. So whenever I like someone you all can have your biryani."

Y: "What are you looking for in a guy? You should lessen your expectations. There is no perfect guy you know."
Now I don't know if Y is spying on me and my expectations list but this time I felt like kicking her.
I controlled my anger and remained silent.
Z: "By the way. In your religion mother-in-law ties the mangala sutra na? That's it and marriage is over?" This sentence was followed by a series of giggles.

I couldn't resist any more even if they sounded ignorant, idiotic and harmless.

Me: "You think people around the world follow the same tradition of wedding? And what do you know about my expectations list to comment on?"

Y, Z: "Arey, we were just advising yaar. Don't be serious."

 "No I am not serious. I just can't talk and take nonsense and innocence which is sometimes pain in ass." I told

After that I did not go for lunching with them as I didn't feel like it. I definitely felt I can do better with better people around me. On that day I realised how nosy people are and how they bother you if you decide for yourself. Specially most of the married folks feel, they have all rights to nose around. Yes there are others too who mind their own business but it’s not uncommon to come across the nosy bunch. They sound just like the aunties and vamps in serials. Whenever I come across them I feel that serials are not very unrealistic!

Once you are married don't think that the questions will stop. Recently a friend with whom I went out asked me, "When are you planning kids?" I had the standard answer ready with a sheepish smile, "Not any sooner."

The friend who recently turned mom exclaimed in utter amazement, "Not any sooner means. You gotta plan yaar."

You know what I did? I counted 10 to 1 and inhaled and exhaled for some inner peace!

Once an American during a tour in Manali expressed the inconvenience he faces whenever Indians question him about his marriage / kids and settlement. He was happy that I did not ask him the same. I told him there are more interesting things to talk and cleared to him that not everyone in India is interested in personal affairs. That's why I say if you are single it’s tough to mingle in India and ignorance might be bliss but sometimes it's a pain in ass to the one who faces it.



  1. true.. but its not tough if you keep re-innovating your group.. so if someone is single after some period of time keep re - inventing your group and have ONLY single in your group.. life becomes a touch easier. . but of course you can’t escape the taunting comments from elders ("you can call whatever you want") :P

    1. wow . good to see a comment from u. Ya re-inventing is a good idea but some tiems with toooo many shaadi shuda logan this gets tough :P but still a good idea
      thanks for reading

  2. very true...happens with every single Indian bachelor or spinster...people from older generations are much more nosy than our generation I feel...atleast in my case they were...people were so sympathetic with my parents till the time I got engaged :D... as if they had done a bigger crime (than me :D) of not marrying me on time :P

    1. haha. Ya Nairiti . There is no dearth to people who sympathize. I have also faced them in my case and even in my brother's case there were such scenarios and most of the times it comes as a blow from close knit relatives. They find pleasure in such acts :)
      Anyway good to know that U felt connected to this post !

  3. Interesting and informative post. Marriage is very peculiar and strange in India. As you said, if you are in the mid 20s, especially for women, friends and relatives often ask about marriage. They don’t leave her alone.

    Another strange thing I always wondered is if a girl sleeps with a man day before marriage, parents will be worried. On the contrary, if the girl don’t sleep with the man the day after marriage, parents will have bigger worry.

    1. LOL ! SG, your last line made me ROFL !
      So true. Just spot on. I have read a very interesting article on the same lines , written by (cant find URL Now) , but will let you know. Indians are so nosy in these matters that all the private issues become PUBLIC. Hate such mentalities. Again many dwell on that devilish pleasure of probing and giggling and advising !

      Once you enter late 20s and stay single U WILL BE TORTURED like any thing in this country.
      Sigh !

  4. Some just love to poke for fun and some think it is their duty to see everyone married.
    Marriage is synonymous with settling down in life. As if unmarried people are unsettled.
    Nicely penned.

    1. Marriage is actually an invitation to many things which start afresh and have to be settled. Ya those who poke fun . I can only say GTH to them
      Thanks for reading

  5. Hmm... I agree. Some serials are quite realistic. :D

    Just think of it this way, not many years ago the "why not getting married " questions used to be asked from the age of 18 onwards! :D

    1. ya thank god marriageable age increased now :)
      even now some r after youngsters just from the age of 19-20
      thanks for ur time Jyothi

  6. You have nit the nail on the head with your post. I have seen nosy people embarrassing the poor women who are caught in their line of probing questions.

    1. Thanks for reading Sulekha :) !
      ya all of us wud hav seen it :-/

  7. Yes, people take the single one's parents on one long guilt trip, making them feel like their shirking their responsibility. So many people have fallen victim to these guilt trips!!!

    1. ya Only thing we can do is ignore them and come out of their zone and find some happy thoughts :)
      Thanks Fabida for reading and commenting !

  8. it can be difficult to break into groups as well - so if you're single and are the firs to marry, your friends may be doing other things, especially if you have kids. then, if you're the last one unmarried, in your friends, you may find yourself grasping at straws to find together time with friends, unfortunately.

    1. Hi Amanda

      THanks for reading ! ya its all so complicated na :D may be all friends shud get married at once ;P haha
      Thanks for caring to comment :) keep reading

  9. I completely agree. Being single is difficult in India. For all the single Indian male, I write a blog spot called as the diary of the single Indian Male.


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