The joy and agony of being parents

“It’s not always easy being her daughter..”, She said.

“Sometimes, I think, it’s hard no matter who’s daughter you are”.

We always begin by loving our parents as kids and then slowly as we grow, our world expand and begin to demand more space, some amount of collision is bound to happen.

Children are born with new eyes. They see things parents have shifted to their subconscious and don’t really think about that much. Parents, on the other hand, are holding up a universe together that they have to pass on to their kids. Traditions, culture, knowledge, social experience, stereotypes and conditioning.

A part of  life is to expect and bear tremendous life changes. Sometimes I think that for those of us who are fortunate to have (mostly) supportive parents, even if they differ with our thinking, because true love consists of letting the other person be their own autonomous selves, what would we do were it not for them to fight our battles with us, for us? Sometimes I can’t thank God enough for parents and sometimes I pray for some divine intervention when they don’t understand the bridges I need to cross!  

My mom is 60 and my dad will be sixty in a few more months. They have been great parents by virtue of being examples of what they wanted me to be. Sure enough they are human too, imperfect and lovely and I of course have a mind of my own too, but overall, I cannot imagine being who I am were it not for them. It took loving (and rebelling!) to reach my point in Life and there are a few life lessons, some well meaning and some hilarious that I have learnt walking the road of Life with them! I’ll try to balance the twain but well, you are requested to keep a pinch of salt at hand! J

1.     The meaning of life Vs the meaning of stamina. Giving is living. And the fastest way I have learnt it is through my own mother. Because she believes that it’s in giving that we really do differentiate ourselves from the animals. I agree. Love and respect for animals in place, I believe the best way to live a meaningful life is simple: continuously grow as an individual and contribute to other people in a meaningful way. Of course coincidentally I was also taught about other virtues likes stamina and integrity..  the integrity and stamina to sit at the dinner table till I finished my vegetables! Eeeeek!  

2.     Parents will always be there for you Vs. How to become an adult. You know what my mom says a mother is born when the child is. So parents are the first kind of unconditional love you will experience. You see, nobody in this world is going to blindside you and hit you as hard as life will, at times.  And when that happens you will always find your parents right behind you, being the true pillars of support you so know that they are. That’s the emotional part. One day Life gets real hard when it’s time to choose a groom or a bride and that point of time marriage is the non-negotiable solution to the fact that you have yet not become a responsible adult under your mother’s wings! And then your parents withdraw all support. You simply have to “grow up” one day, like this!

3.     Pure Love Vs the need to be Logical. Parents are there to love you, grow you up, be there for you and offer support as much as they can because they wanna see you reach a higher version of your reality and potential. At the same time, parents also teach you about Logic, reason and the “why’s” of the world. And the simplest way to do that is by saying “because I say so”!!!!

4.     Life Purpose Vs Parents’ purpose. Passion is what gives meaning to life. Sometimes parents will teach you by example to be self made persons and sometimes you learn it the hard way coz there won’t be many who would understand your POV. Maybe you will have to fight to keep your own flame alive.  Coz at “First your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life.” That’s of course, when parenting goes too far!

5.     Discipline Vs. Genetics. We all remember how our mothers taught us the virtues of keeping a timetable by eating, sleeping and reading at the scheduled time and we can’t thank them enough for learning the essential stuff. And whenever they got enough of us, they went like, “You are just like your father!”. Father becomes the lowest denominator when it comes to changing your habits for you are constantly threatened with “Don’t act like your father!” to the point that my father once joked, “Father is often treated like fodder in this house”! (Just a joke. J)

6.     The Joy of sharing Vs The anxiety of anticipation. Mom taught me the good things in Life. Sharing and caring. But when my sharing went too far and I began sharing my time in exchange of movie tickets way too much, She taught me the virtue of anticipation with “Just wait till you get back home!”

7.     Love Vs. Fear. Sure my parents love me. A lot. They care. Unbelievably much. And I can’t thank my stars enough for this. And I want to be the best possible person I can and do the maximum of what I can.Both my mom and my dad love their work and are very loyal and committed. It’s no coincidence that I am wired the same way. So I have learnt a few good things from my parents along the way that make me who I am. And when I couldn’t pick up things quickly enough, being the laid back person I am, (Irony: I am writing this article laid back in my bed! ) mom backs up the teachings with verbal beatings. “One day you will have a child who will do the same things to you”. *Shudders and changes behaviour*

So as you see, I am grateful indeed for having my parents because "There are millions of children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

Divya